152 July 2012 BTM Oxley need not know what other private matters busy my days, hence the second laptop. I almost deplete the screening area of X-ray bins with all my travelling junk. By the time everything goes through I’m scared to touch it for the amount of radiation I’m bound to carry onto the plane. I am, the ultimate Dirty Bomb! I think security screeners of America would be happy if we all just stopped travelling. Either that or they’d prefer we travelled naked or with loincloths. Would that make even one of them crack a smile on their agonised faces? I thought I’d buy flip-flops or sandals, although they still have to be removed for screening. Socks are even dangerous according to one screening buffoon in Florida. Little did he realise the smell of feet was more likely to kills us all before the shoes and socks did. Is enjoyable travel a thing of the past? Is happy travel a luxury for only the wealthy? Why is it that the wealthy, in their private jets, get to elude the screening, X-ray machines and frisking? In Hollywood movies it’s always the rouge billionaire trying to take over the world. The wealthy, after all, can afford to cause trouble. Most of us can’t afford to put petrol in the car, we sure can’t afford trouble! A private plane in private hands with private passengers is, one would imagine, more risk than a planeload of weary everyday workers. And who’s scrutinising the scrutinisers? I mean look at them. Wannabe cops, rent-a-cops, mall cops; they walk around with their GI Joe haircuts and their GI Jane attitudes with belts equipped with enough to arm a battalion and pepper spray thousands. Who watches them and makes them radiate their shoes, pants, belts and bad attitudes through the X-ray machine! Danger is presumed to be in the form of weapons, but entered now into the US psyche is something far more dangerous — the attitude of suspicion! Guilty until proven innocent now seems to be the modus operandi. The contempt and arrogance of those supposedly keeping us safe has to be seen to be believed. One overzealous security worker stopped me, not because the alarms went off, not because anything was wrong with my bins of junk which radiated, but because, to him, I just looked suspicious. He should have considered that I was 40 minutes late from a previous flight and had only 20 minutes until the gate closed before the next. But I was not allowed to talk to him! As Thumper’s mother told him in Bambi, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” America’s rent-a-cop security personnel, who in many cases are the first faces seen when entering the country, should remember that. Perhaps, these macho beings — it’s a stretch to call them human beings — should listen to the words of Billy Graham, “Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.” Alternatively, they could try taking to heart the words of Wayne Dyer, “Only the insecure (need to) strive for security.” You see, I’m a bit sick of being frisked to see what’s under what I wear; so, in order to make security screeners in the United States (US) happy, I’m travelling naked from now on. But I’m guessing they will not be particularly happy with that either. The more I wear, I’m seen as suspicious; the less I wear, I am seen as a public menace. What exactly is the minimum or maximum one should wear when travelling? It’s not just our clothes that cause issues. Cameras and cell phones in separate bins, jacket, shoes, briefcase and contents of pockets; wallet, keys, belt, passport and watch placed in another. Laptops in separate bins (I carry two), the Sarbanes Oxley Act requires that all my corporate US-related business be conducted on a company-issued laptop; but Sarbanes and JAMES CLAIRE After six months of wanderlust in the USA, I’ve now decided to travel without shoes, belts or a jacket; I’m starting to even find pants a burden! lastword Irritated and Irradiated
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