152 July 2013 www.bahrainthismonth.com lastword relationship officer came up with a solution. Since the date on which I claimed I had made the deposit was more than six months ago, the cheque would have expired! Instead, I should repeat the whole process again with a new one. Like an idiot, I did just that. One week later and I’m still waiting for confirmation that the money is finally in my bank account. If I have to wait much longer I might have to consider the action taken by an exasperated friend similarly frustrated with his ‘lost’ cash. To gain the attention of those inside the bank, he called up their internal audit department to report a theft — of his money by the bank they were mandated to audit! In the past few years we have seen banks all over the world lose their depositors’ shirts through bad calculations and mischievous schemes. Now, interest rates on bank savings are a pathetic one per cent, and trying to get a loan is near impossible. When did banks become so greedy? They are too big to fail in the USA but too big to actually offer the service that they once did. Yet, they remain one of few industries continually posting billion dollar profits. They gamble our hard-earned money and take even more through ridiculous charges and hidden fees while paying us next to nothing for trusting them with our deposits. Where are the benefits for us any more? In the words of Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States, “I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies; power should be taken from the banks and restored to the people, to whom it properly belongs.” Few other industries could survive by taking someone else’s money and giving nothing in return and, in many cases, less than they were entrusted with. If I could think up such a business, I’d be seriously rich. If charges went towards better service, reduced waiting time and friendlier teller staff I would not mind. Today, I can’t think of many places safer for my money than under the mattress. Perhaps my grandparents were smart after all — and that you can take to the bank! A couple of incidents recently have prompted me to consider whether my grandparents’ view of banking — to hide their stash of cash under the mattress — was not such a bad idea after all. Given my trust in banks is as low as my bank balance I’m seriously considering this option — when I have some ‘readies’, that is. When the ATM was first introduced it was claimed it would herald a new era of banking. The reduced time it would take to obtain cash out of a hole in the wall, rather than line up to be served by the human equivalent, was sold as matching our desire for a modern, fast-paced lifestyle. Of course, like most things of a mechanical nature, ATMs tend to break down from time to time. So, there I was in a queue of equally frustrated ‘customers’ waiting for my number to appear on the electronic wallboard inside my local bank. The bank had obviously long since taken the option to reduce staff, given the opportunity afforded by the ubiquitous ATM. Like pretty maids all in a row, four teller stations stood like monuments to a bygone age — desolate and unattended. Only the fifth station had a member of the human race to cope with the technical malfunction. Fortunately, the bank had the decency not to insist on a payment for the pleasure of speaking to a real person, as I had discovered was the case on a recent trip overseas. In some countries the privilege of interacting with a ‘human’ teller is charged to your account at a price up to US$5. My disposition at having to wait almost as many minutes as the amount of cash I wished to withdraw would not have countenanced a ‘service’ charge. Much to my chagrin, I remembered when I got home that there was an outstanding matter to be resolved with my bank. Some months earlier I had elected to deposit a cheque into my account through one of the ‘receiving’ machines. Despite having a receipt to confirm my ‘deposit’, the money — some BD1,800 — had yet to be credited to my account. When I returned to the bank to inquire about my missing cash, they denied any knowledge of the transaction. After much huffing and puffing, the somewhat harangued customer JAMES CLAIRE As a kid, when I heard the phrase ‘money in the bank’ it conjured up an image of security and confidence. Today, you wonder exactly what is going on inside the bank! Money in the Bank
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